


Everyone, Please Welcome My Anxiety

by natigail



Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Dialogue from Taking on ANXIETY with Lilly Singh, Enemies, Gen, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Origin Story, Sanders Sides (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Anxiety had watched the three others - Logic, Morality and Prince - from the safety of Thomas' mind but he had no desire to appear in the world himself. But neither Thomas nor Anxiety had a choice in that.When Thomas decides to film a YouTube video with Anxiety, the anxious trait wants nothing more than to hide while pretending that Thomas wanting to get rid of him and Princey declaring his blatant dislike doesn't hurt.**All dialogue is from the first Sanders Sides video introducing Anxiety -watch it here**





	Everyone, Please Welcome My Anxiety

Thomas Sanders had always been a very special individual. Humans are complex and weird in their own way but Thomas had a way of conveying his personality and even materialize it, which was a rare gift indeed.

Maybe, it was growing up with such a vivid imagination and an innate drive to positively influence people’s lives that granted him this ability. His love for movies and theatre was no secret and maybe being able to put his mindset into fictional characters enabled him to manifest parts of himself that would normally only exist inside of his mind.

Two key players were his heart and his mind. They worked as a pair of sorts, even if they were complete opposites.

Logic represented his mind and his logical thinking. Logic ruled when it was need for clarity and grasping complex concepts. Logic helped with homework when Thomas was a child and later when he would attempt to grasp adult things, like taxes. Sometimes, Logic would seem pessimistic but in reality he was just always realistic and he could only see things from an objective point of view. Logic didn’t understand those fickle emotions that Thomas was feeling but that was okay because someone else did.

Morality represented his heart and all the emotions that would flow through his body. Morality cared about every single person he met so deeply, most of all Thomas. He was compassionate to a fault. He was almost overly optimistic, a bit naïve and silly. The latter made him very popular with children as well as being fond of dad jokes, which later earned him the nickname Dad.

Those two had been with Thomas for a long, long time and they were always coexisting, one dominating for a moment and then sidestepping to let the other side prevail. As they both gained the ability to manifest outside of Thomas’ mind, they began to develop quirks of their own and could interact in a way they hadn’t been able to before. It was quite amazing.

Then there was another very important but certainly not quiet aspect of Thomas’ personality that didn’t relate directly to the fight between logos and pathos. Thomas’ fancible side quickly became well-developed and a powerful aspect of himself, so much that one day, Prince was able to manifest. The name perhaps an indication of what Thomas hoped to be able to play one day, a Disney prince.

Prince was Thomas’ hopes, dreams and creativity. He encompassed all the things that Thomas was passionate about, the things he hope to achieve in this world and the source of inspiration that kept driving him forwards. Creativity had always been at the core of Thomas’ being, so it should hardly surprise anyone that it mattered enough to create a physical personality aspect on par with his brain and heart representation.

 And lastly, the newest addition to Thomas’ growing array was Anxiety. However, things were different with Anxiety. He was not supposed to be able to manifest like the others. It made sense for them to be able to as actual personality elements. He did not feel exactly like that. He was the dark and sinister thoughts, which used to linger in the back of Thomas’ mind only to creep up and alert him of danger and problems, real or imagined. He was used to manifesting in the form of sweaty palms, shudders, rapid heartbeats and blanked out minds. Once upon a time, he’d been basic survival instinct, tasked with keeping Thomas alive, but as the boy had grown and evolved so had he.

He was the odd one out. He wasn’t positive and kind like Prince or Morality and even Logic was far nicer than him. He was a thing that had formed within Thomas, a mutation of sorts, and he didn’t feel as integral a part as the other guys. He was something negative that Thomas hated, right? Thomas couldn’t rely on Anxiety to solve a problem, like Logic, offer emotional support, like Morality, or inspire him, like Prince.

Nevertheless, Anxiety suddenly gained the ability to manifest outside of Thomas’ mind too. It had been a shock to his system and to poor Thomas the first time that it had happened. Anxiety had observed the other personalities manifest and interact with Thomas so casually for years, from within the safety of Thomas’ subconscious mind. He knew that those guys had changed and evolved more after being able to talk to Thomas directly. They’d gotten their own, almost human-like characteristics, and they seemed like they were becoming real individual people, even if they were still originally aspects of Thomas’ personality.

That whole thing just made Anxiety well… anxious. From his point of view, humans were fragile creatures that had a lot of things to worry about and to be scared of. He didn’t want any part of experiencing that. He felt constantly on edge whenever he’d accidentally manifested when Thomas was feeling particularly anxious. This was not okay. He was supposed to just be Thomas’ Anxiety and exist within his mind only. He shouldn’t be able to feel his own anxiety. It was a horrible feeling to experience bouts of anxiety and it just make him feel guilty for being the one to cause Thomas those emotions.

So far he’d avoided the other guys pretty well. Inside of Thomas’ mind, they were all vaguely aware of each other, as well as the other aspects of Thomas’ personality, who didn’t have the power to physically manifest. Anxiety would feel how Logic took over when Thomas was planning a work schedule, or how Morality made him express fondness of his friends or when Prince offered him creative ideas.

He knew that they all knew about him. How could they not? When Anxiety took over, he pushed absolutely everyone, and he meant everyone, aside and was the sole focus of Thomas. The others sometimes worked side by side but Anxiety was different. He demanded all of Thomas’ attention and the pleas and reassurances of the other personality aspects couldn’t help until Anxiety was done and took a step backwards. He knew that they all hated him for making Thomas crumble. Worst part was, after learning that he could exist outside of Thomas’ mind and he was slowly becoming almost a person, he had begun to question the whole thing too.

Questioning things and overthinking was practically part of his job description. He had never minded before. He had never really cared about it. He couldn’t help what he was or the responses he triggered. It was just the way things were but then Thomas had to go and make him a physical vessel on the outside. He still had no idea how the boy did that.

He was no longer a shapeless black mass of atrocious despair and crushing doubt. He became Anxiety, an entity that seemed an awful lot like a person, at least when he was out there. Outside of Thomas’ mind.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, something even more revealing would happen. Thomas had been creating online content for a long time at this point and he happily featured the “characters”: Logic, Dad and Prince. His audience began to recognize them as individuals.

Anxiety should have known it would only be a matter of time before it would go wrong for him. He should have known that eventually Thomas would turn the camera on Anxiety and let him coexist with the traits that he didn’t want to meet. He didn’t want to become like them, someone with backstory and depth, even Logic had that, no matter how much he would deny it.

After gaining the ability to manifest, Anxiety would actually just appear around Thomas when anxious thoughts would creep up the boy’s spine. It had just been a normal day. Thomas had felt quite relaxed all day and when he went to set up his filming equipment, all was calm.

However, Anxiety would sometimes strike out of the blue, like that day. He hadn’t expected Thomas to create a whole video around it, nor had he thought he’d be confronted with the one personality that perplexed him the most. And what was worse, it would only be the first video of many.

***

Thomas is setting up to film a YouTube video when Anxiety got alerted. He comes to in the back of Thomas’ mind, slowly and gradually and purposely stayed invisible to Thomas’ awareness. He likes to evaluate the situation that is calling him first before he allows the anxiety to coarse through Thomas.

He needs to know what he was dealing with and react accordingly. It is his job to keep Thomas alert and safe. Sometimes, he would act too fast when there wasn’t a real threat but that was just the way Anxiety worked.

Today seems to be a calm day for Thomas and the boy appears to be rather at ease. Yet, Anxiety feels the pull to manifest and alert Thomas. It happens something that he would just appear out of the blue. No one really knew why.

“So I don’t know what it is right now, maybe it’s because it’s this time of year or maybe because I’m back home with friends, but strangely at this moment I am actually feeling quite relaxed…” Thomas is saying, as Anxiety gets ready to appear.

He could have timing and he loved to pick the moments that would startle the most. It’s all part of what he did.

“Hey.”

His voice is low, as his physical form suddenly sits on Thomas’ stairs. A cruel smile curls his lips. It’s been a while since he’s gotten to talk to Thomas, face-to-face, even if at first he disliked the unfamiliarity of being outside of his mind.

“What the heck!” Thomas predictably startles and then is overcome with annoyance.

“I’m sorry. Was I not wanted at this exact second?”

There’s a teasing in his voice. He’s the embodiment of anxiety and as such, he’s grown to love winding people up. Furthermore, he’s got a whole bucket of sarcasm from Thomas, which he uses happily.

“Oh, for crying out loud. Okay, everyone please welcome my Anxiety.”

Anxiety sees this side of Thomas a lot. The levelheaded Thomas that knows Anxiety is not good and wishes for him to go away and leave him to have a carefree life. The notion stings more when he’s out here than inside the safety of the darkest corner of Thomas’ mind.

“Sup,” Anxiety says and leans back casually.

He won’t drop the whole cool-guy routine that he wears like a protective amour. He’s Anxiety and nothing touches something that evokes such extreme and scary reactions in people or at least that’s how he prefers people to see it.

“I don’t get it. I was just making a YouTube video. There is literally nothing to be anxious about,” Thomas complains. He’s angry and Anxiety lets that anger fuel his snarky remarks.

“Aren’t those the best times for me to show up?”

Anxiety is teasing him further now. It’s a guilty pleasure that he loves to watch Thomas squirm.

“I even was saying how relaxed I was feeling!”

“Ah, but that’s when you start wondering why you do feel all relaxed. You don’t usually feel that way. So what are you doing different? What are you doing _wrong_? What are you forgetting to do?” Anxiety says and this time the words may be spoken out loud but those are thoughts he’s whispered inside of Thomas’ mind for years. Anxiety knows how to ruin all moods, including relaxed.

“Okay, stop it, stop it!” Thomas says, slight panic already rising in his voice.

Anxiety knows what will happen if he keeps speaking, if he keeps pushing. He could drive Thomas to the edge but he catches himself. Thomas is making a video, something he loves to do and the call for Anxiety this time doesn’t justify extreme measures.

“Sorry, kid, but this is what I do,” he snarls, leaning back and crossing his legs and then his arms over his knee.

It’s supposed to look cool and causally. Anxiety hope that Thomas or any potential viewers will not notice how it’s also an indirect way to guard himself from the judgment in Thomas’ voice. Here on the outside, he feels and that’s a whole ballpark he doesn’t want to explore, but just the twinge in Thomas’ words stir within him. Thomas blames him for purely existing and posing and snarky remarks keep up appearances and hides of how much that could hurt, if it weren’t blocked and ignored.

“Here’s what frustrates me about anxiety. Sure, I get it when I get nervous about doing something or when I have to interact with a bunch of people socially or when I have a big project due but sometimes it just shows up…” Thomas is on a rant now; Anxiety doesn’t want to listen to this bashing. He teleports Thomas’ phone into his hands and entertains himself.

“Yo,” he barely acknowledges when Thomas points at him.

“… out of nowhere and ruins whatever peace I have. Like I’m kind of getting fed up with it. There has got to be some way out of it.”

“Ohhh, boy!” Anxiety hollers. “I’d like to see you try. You can’t just quit me.”

His words are confident, overly-confident, if you listen clearly. Thomas is fed up with him and he wants to get rid of him. Unfortunately for Thomas, Anxiety is a stubborn bastard and he knows that it won’t be an easy if even possible task.

“Prince dude,” Thomas says and closes his eyes.

Anxiety stops in his tracks. Thomas just made Prince appear and Anxiety instantly feels tied into knots. This guy is everything that he’s not and Anxiety has done his best to avoid actually meeting him out here. Outside of Thomas’ mind where he’s more vulnerable and have fewer places to hide. He could sink away but he’s challenged Thomas and he doesn’t back down from a challenge.

“Hello, you summoned me,” Prince says happily, always ecstatic about being called to aid Thomas, who he’d do anything for.

“Hey, you represent my fancible side, right?” Thomas asks.

“Right,” Prince replies.

“My hopes, my dreams, my creativity?”

Anxiety notices Thomas’ little happy shoulder dance. He seems more upbeat and at ease already after Prince has appeared. It’s the exact opposite reaction than Thomas had when Anxiety showed up. Anxiety won’t allow that notion to hurt.

“All that good stuff,” Prince practically beams.

“Great, well right now I hope and dream to get rid of my anxiety,” Thomas says and points towards Anxiety.

“Your what now?” Prince is baffled and caught off-guard.

Anxiety likes to see the otherwise perfect prince a little off balance. It’s refreshing to see even someone as him is not in perfect control the whole time. Of course, he’s not as much of a mess as Anxiety is but it still helps to see him take a misstep.

“Hey there, Princey,” Anxiety calls out, his voice teasing as he tests out the nickname for the first time. He likes it. They haven’t properly met before and he wants to make sure that he leaves a memorable impression on the royally dressed personality trait.

“Ok…ay, I can’t stand that guy,” Prince says, his voice falling fainter towards the end of the statement. Anxiety hears it anyway.

It’s okay though because anxiety about what people think of you is pretty common and something he’s had Thomas deal with before. It hurts to have it turned against him but he wasn’t going to get approval from Prince either way, so it doesn’t matter.

“Tell me about it,” Thomas agrees.

“Well, getting rid of _that_ is a tall order,” Prince says and his eyes rest upon Anxiety’s form only briefly, almost as if he’s cautious not to stare.

“What should I do?” Thomas asks.

It’s all too familiar words. When Anxiety kicks in and takes control, Thomas’ subconscious is always asking that and more along those lines.

“Well, this might be time for you to get creative, travel somewhere in your mind to bring in recruitment,” Prince suggests.

“True.”

This is getting ridiculous. They can’t make him go away. They can’t. No matter how much they both clearly hate him, they can’t make him go. Can they? Would they do that to him?

He laughs and relish a bit in the fact that he’s able to do so out here. It’s a sarcastic laughter but it feels sort of liberating to be able to produce laughter at all.

“You would need some super heavy duty recruitment…” he begins to say but before he gets to the end of his statement everything around them have shifted.

“Where are we? What?” Anxiety says and tries to keep the distress out of his voice.

“It’s your girl, Superwoman!”

Where has Thomas taken him? He does not know this young woman but she takes a power stance that instantly makes him want to shrink down and away to the safety of Thomas’ mind. Something is up and it’s not good news.

“Lilly! Oh my goodness, it worked!”

Thomas sounds ecstatic, which cannot be good news for Anxiety.

“What’s up, Thomas?”

“Well, long story short, you ever had a conversation with someone and you think it went well but then there’s something in the back of your brain trying to convince you that it went horribly?” Thomas asks this Superwoman or Lilly.

Thomas’ words leave a sinking feeling in the pit of Anxiety’s stomach. His jaw clench and he steadies himself. He’s used to the hostility from Thomas but he’s still getting used to being outside and he’s never ever been here before. He’s not even sure how Thomas managed to teleport the both of them to what seems to be across the country.

“All the time,” Lilly agrees and Anxiety studies her.

Yep, there’s an Anxiety entity within her too. Like himself in some aspects, but different in many others. None of them are alike. They are formed by the person they belong to and for a moment, he wishes that he was not the product of someone like Thomas with these incredible projection abilities. It would be much easier if Thomas wasn’t able to manifest elements of his mind.

“There’s the _something_ ,” Thomas says and keeps his eyes on Lilly.

He won’t even turn his eyes to meet Anxiety but Lilly does and she seems furious. He’s not even her anxiety but he suspects that she has no problem associating him with what’s going on inside of her.

“Ah, so you’re the guy… Listen, dude, once in a while can you just let me order a pizza without being nervous about talking to the delivery guy?” Lilly says, anger rising in her throat and Thomas nods along in agreement.

Anxiety rolls his eyes and wishes to be anywhere but here. He’s not even sure why Thomas has brought them here. Getting yelled at by not one but two is doubling the exhaustion he normally feels.

“He won’t even let me go to bed without thinking of something I did seven years ago!”

Anxiety rolls his eyes again and lets all the fury from the two humans detriment his nonchalant attitude. It’ll only antagonize them further and he can’t even allow a smidgen of care to sweep over him. It’ll be the end of him.

“Urgh, so annoying. You know all those times if they ask “does anyone have any questions?” and no one says anything? I actually had a question!” Lilly continues.

“Me too!” Thomas agrees.

“Argh!” they exclaim in unison and he’s had enough of this verbal bashing. There’s a limit to everything.

“That’s my job, okay?” he says and swings his legs down to sit properly in the yellow chair. This place is too bright. It’s has too many vibrant colors. He misses the dimmed lights and dark tones of Thomas’ lounge.

“A little blood pumping is good for the old circulatory system,” he argues. It’s true. What the two of them don’t know or have conveniently repressed it what Anxiety originally comes stems from, an aid to survive extreme situations.

“We’re not talking about a little, dude,” Lilly argues and if looks could kill, Anxiety would be dead. If he could be, that is.

“Well, actually, Lilly, that’s why I brought myself here, to see if you maybe knew some ways I could bring him down,” Thomas says and it clicks.

Right, the extra help that Princey suggested. Lilly must be that help.

“Pfft, yeah right,” he snickers. This is ridiculous. He can’t be destroyed. Don’t they know?

“Well, destroying anxiety can be really tough but bringing it down can be easy through a few different ways,” Lilly says and there’s a confidence in her voice that leaves Anxiety feeling unsettled.

“What do you mean?” Thomas questions and looks at her with a hopeful expression.

He’s such a pure and bright mind and Anxiety doesn’t need to hear that much hope in Thomas’ voice, hope that Anxiety can be brought down.

“It’s montage time,” Lilly announces and because this place is a weird mind state that Thomas has brought them to, it actually works.

\---

He’s now in a different place of the bright apartment and familiar feelings are welling up inside of him. He’s been activated, even if he doesn’t quite know how. He doesn’t question it; he just goes along with his nature.

Spotting Lilly sitting cross-legged on the floor on her phone, a cruel smile curling his lips, he moves to speak.

“Gee, Lilly I wonder what your friends are saying about you right now, what could they possible…”

Lilly turns on TV, completely ignoring him. It stings and the complete ignorance instantly dims his compulsion to keep going and to say more things to rile her up. Glancing at the screen, he sees that she’s turned on a light-hearted TV episode that he’s seen before through Thomas.

Without further ado, he sits down next to her.

“This is actually a really good episode,” he says, voice low but not threatening like before.

\---

He’s been moved again and anxiousness is running high anew. This is a weird experience but he does what he does best and finds a target to deposit these feeling into.

She’s sitting outside on her balcony, book in hand and looks peaceful. He’s about to ruin that.

“You’re reading a book right now when you’ve got all this other stuff to do?” he says, repeating words he’s said to Thomas so many times.

“This book is so good. Sometimes, it’s nice to just take a break and enjoy some reading,” she says in a confident secure voice that makes him frown.

“It’s a beautiful day,” she finishes.

“Yeah, I was saying…” he tries again, even if he feels slightly off-center.

“Is someone making pasta right now? Ah, I love pasta!” she says, completely ignoring the emotions and worries he’s trying to push onto her.

“I like pasta too,” he finds himself agreeing, “but I was saying…”

“Oh, look at that bird, it’s such a cute bird,” she again completely ignores him and he’s had enough. With an expatiated grunt, he leaves her be. Let her read her book, smell pasta and watch the birds. What does he care?

\---

Next time, he feels stronger, more alive. It’s nighttime, he realizes and Lilly rests in her bed about to fall asleep. This is his prime time when all the other aspects are running low on energy and have their guard down. He’s taken so much sleep from Thomas during times like these.

“Let’s go over all the things you did wrong today…” he begins and he is confident that this girl he’s never seen before can’t bring him down during this time. Not when she’s tired and her mind susceptible to influences.

“I did everything I could have possibly done today. The best I could have done.”

Damn. She’s countering his words completely and she speaks them with such earnestness.

“Hmm, but…” he tries only to get interrupted.

“And you know what? I’m happy with everything I accomplished. I did those things and I did them well.”

This girl has too much experience with these kinds of thoughts. He scans her only for a moment and he sees the scars left behind. She’s been through a lot. She’s bright and happy now but there’s a very dark spot on her past. Real depression. No wonder she learned techniques to combat him.

“Okay, but all the things you’ve got to do tomorrow…” he attempts to get to her again but his attempt is weaker now. She got out of depression and he honestly doesn’t want to make her feel anxious.

“There’s no need to worry about tomorrow ‘cause right now I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing and that’s getting some rest.”

She’s infuriating and he’s suddenly glad that he doesn’t have to deal with her anyway. Maybe it’s better that he has Thomas. He knows that boy in and out.

He finds himself mimicking her last words and then frustrated utters “Come on!”

\---

He blinks and they’re back to the main space from before and Thomas is here again. He was worryingly absent from what that Lilly girl referred to as “montage time”. Anxiety doesn’t like to be far from Thomas at any point in time. It makes him feel uneasy.

“Wow and those work?”

Again, Thomas sounds so damn hopeful.

“I mean yeah, they definitely help me but everyone is different and anxiety can be a constant struggle,” Lilly elaborates.

“That’s right,” he says, secretly very happy to be acknowledged as something that’s constant. Permanent. Long-lasting. Indestructible.

“But there are ways of shutting it up, ya nasty,” the girl sneers at him.

“Lilly, thank you,” Thomas says and there’s so much gratitude in his voice. Anxiety knows that tone. Thomas has definitely learnt something new. He feels more equipped to take the fight up with Anxiety. It’s a daunting prospect.

“Of course, dude, no sweat. Remember everyone goes through this from time to time.”

“Right,” Thomas agrees.

Everybody goes through it from time to time but Thomas’ Anxiety is heightened and able to physically manifest now.

“Right, but now you’ve got to go. Dan and Phil are on their way, they’ve been having these nightmares they need help with.”

“Oh, boy, you are busy, okay,” Thomas acknowledges.

“Catch you later,” Lilly says as a farewell.

“Bye!” Thomas shouts and snaps his fingers and they’re back in the familiar lounge.

Anxiety deflates a little. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been holding that much tension, okay more tension than usual, while Thomas took them to Lilly’s place. He dislikes the unfamiliar and being challenged. Thomas’ creativity is still here but for once he’s being a quiet observer from his corner. Anxiety wants to throw an insult at him but he restrains himself. He feels like he knows much about Thomas’ fancible side but he doesn’t understand Princey at all.

“Well that was cool,” Thomas says and he’s got his camera voice on as he looks towards the camera standing among all his other filming equipment.

“Whatever, that was Lilly,” he gets up from his comfortable position. ”You don’t have what it takes,” Anxiety says confidently. He doesn’t want Thomas to know how to shut him down. What would happen if he learned how to do it?

“Oh, yeah?” Thomas asks, his pitch indicating it as the challenge it is.

“Mmhmm.”

Anxiety has to stand firm but then Thomas centers himself and takes a deep breath. It’s like a built-in stress relief. Anxiety often takes away the feel of being able to breathe properly. Reminding himself that he can indeed breathe, he takes some of Anxiety’s power away.

“Oh, whoa…” Anxiety says and clears his throat. He felt a jolt in his entire body. He’s never actually experienced Thomas trying to bring him down while out here. It feels off and like someone is chipping away at the tight grip he has around Thomas. He feels the anxiety of potential separation rising within himself but he does his best to hide.

“I have anxiety,” Thomas says calmly. He’s accepting Anxiety and while that should normally feel good and calming, it only makes Anxiety weary. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s something I can control.”

“No,” Anxiety tries to argue but his protest is faint as he can literally feel Thomas taking control and pushing him down.

“You are the thoughts I create, questions I ask, fears I have, and nothing more.”

He wants to argue against Thomas so desperately but he’s efficiently shut him down for now. The growl comes as a second nature to him.

“Bye!” Thomas says cheeringly and waves.

“Fine but I’ll be back,” he vows. Thomas has incapacitated him at best. This isn’t a permanent condition.

“I mean I’m sure you will be but I’ll be ready.”

“Okay, well, you…”

He growls at Thomas in a final attempt at defiance before sinking down and going back inside of Thomas’ consciousness but he lingers at the forefront of Thomas’ mind to keep track of how Thomas reacts now.

“I did it!” Thomas almost whispers, giddy like a child who managed to throw or kick a ball into a goal.

“Indeed,” Prince says and startles Thomas. Anxiety feels the slight spike in him, responding to the natural fight or flight response that Thomas always has when startled.

“Wha-“

“Woah! Whoa, whoa!” Prince tries to calm Thomas down.

“Okay, I-I forgot that you were still here,” Thomas says.

“Well, it looked like you had that all under control, so I…”

“Here’s hoping I do and I hope those tips come in handy for you guys,” Thomas says and there’s that fond tone that he always uses when addressing his audience. It makes Anxiety uncomfortable.

He doesn’t even know those people. They could be murders for all he knows. However, Thomas has always been someone who chooses to see good in everyone. Anxiety knows how much getting this huge following online has shaped Thomas’ life, mostly for the better but with more eyes watching comes more Anxiety too.

“You can conquer this beast,” Prince states and the dig doesn’t hurt. Not when he’s in here, safe and guarded. Prince is right to compare him to a beast. He does threaten Thomas on a regular basis. Anxiety has no doubt that if Prince was able, he’d slay Anxiety in a heartbeat like the many other monsters he’d taken care of from Thomas.

“Thanks for helping me get creative.”

“ _You’re welcome!_ ” Prince sings as he sinks out because he’s such a dramatic little Disney lover. Anxiety doesn’t want to acknowledge that he knows which movie that’s from. He blames Thomas for listening to the song on repeat.

“Nice, Moana,” Thomas compliments. He always seemed to have a soft spot for his fancible side. Anxiety doesn’t understand why. “Here’s hoping for many peaceful, chill moments to come for all of us and until next time… take it easy, guys, gals and non-binary pals. Peace out!”

Thomas ends the video and Anxiety retreats. In a day or two, that video will be uploaded onto Thomas’ popular YouTube channel and everyone will get a glimpse at the embodiment of Anxiety, well Thomas’ Anxiety. Inwardly groaning, which doesn’t work as well when merely a concept inside of Thomas, Anxiety takes the liberty of using Thomas’ memories.

He doesn’t do it often but he has access to Thomas’ memory bank and sometimes, he’ll sneak in and take advantage of that. Thomas went to a My Chemical Romance concert years ago when the band was active.

Anxiety likes to go into that memory and experience the concert for himself. It works in odd ways because with the passing time he feels more and more like a person inside of Thomas’ mind too. If he concentrates, he can materialize in the crowd in the memories and just let the music and the feeling of the crowd around him consume him. He makes a personal space around himself, to make sure no one gets close enough to touch but it’s a freedom worth the trouble for.

Next time he’s called out, it when Thomas is editing said video. Thomas is worrying about how this video will be perceived by his audience. Revealing his Anxiety feels daunting to Thomas. In true, Thomas fashion he’s yet to clear up the filming equipment. Tentatively pressing the record button, Anxiety prepares to at least say a few words in his defense.

Thomas looks up from the couch but he doesn’t make a move to stop Anxiety.

“He thinks he’s so great, well he is not! Look, I’m just trying to look out for him. Yeah, he was invited to a couple of parties and if I wasn’t there to convince him not to go, who knows what bad things could have happened?”

He needs to rant about this. It’s a horribly unsettling feeling within him but he doesn’t feel right being portrayed like a heartless cruel villain. He is more, even if it will take everyone a while to figure that out.

Suddenly, Prince pops up because he’s always ready to defend the honor of everyone, excluding the “bad guys”, and especially Thomas’ honor.

“Yeah, he might have had to talk to some people, dance ridiculously and have a fun night,” Prince says and Anxiety is too caught up in his own mind to fully pay attention, which happens a lot.

“Yeah!” he says in agreement but then the royal’s words actually reach him. “Wait, what?”

“I don’t like you,” Prince says plainly and it’s a cold and cynical voice that should never come from such an excitable and animated person.

“You’re just mad because I just came from a My Chemical Romance concert,” Anxiety counters because deflecting is what he does best. If he does enough of a good job, no one will be able to tell, which statements get to him. No one will be able to make him actually feel.

He sinks down and away before Prince can make a response and he ignores the way Thomas and Prince share a glance just after he’s disappeared.

It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s just supposed to be here to look out for Thomas. He doesn’t need to engage with all his other sides. They all just need to leave him be. If he lets his guard down, then he is vulnerable to an attack. He knows all about people breaching the security and striking where it hurts the most, which is always what he’s trying to protect Thomas from.

He’s more complex. Right now, he feels worn down. First Lilly and then Thomas putting him in his place. He doesn’t like people to know his vulnerabilities, his Achilles’ heel or heels if you want to be specific because he’s has too many soft spots. He’s got a lot of things that could be attacked. Having just one thing would be the dream. Keeping up his guards is the best way to many sure no one will realize and take advantage of him.

He sinks back into the deep subconscious to rest amongst the darkness and the quiet in his room. Let Logic, Morality and Prince run the show for a while. He’ll come when he’s activated. Thomas is in better shape the more he stays away anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this so long ago but because I was considering writing a "chapter" for all the Sanders Sides videos I never got around to posting it. I probably won't have time for it though, but I decided this piece of writing shouldn't die just because it can't be a series. However, I did a sequel focusing on ACCEPTING ANXEITY: Can Anxiety Be Good? which can be found as the next work in this series.
> 
> I love Thomas Sanders' videos so, so much and the Sander Sides videos are my absolute favourite. Every single character is so well-developed and it's a pleasure watching the series grow and come together. But Anxiety will probably always be my favourite. His video was also the first video I watched after I subscibed to Thomas after having binge watched his old stuff. So the video this story is based on has a special place in my heart and it was a pleasure to write things from Anxiety's point of view. I hope I did him justice?
> 
> I'll love any feedback. Either here in the comments or on my tumblr @natigail. Thank you so much for reading.


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